Considerations and Resources for Talking to Your Child about ADHD
As a parent or caretaker, you may feel a little overwhelmed with trying to determine how to talk to your child about Attention Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and navigating what the diagnosis means for them and your family. You may struggle with when to talk to your child or question if talking to them at all is even necessary.
If you are questioning whether to tell them about their ADHD, take a moment to consider any additional identities outside of caretaker/parent that you hold(gender, race, ethnicity, profession, etc). Think about how your identities impact your life, your behaviors, and your understanding of self and others. Think about how you learned more about yourself. Once you have done this, consider what you wish for your child to learn about themselves.
Whether your child has recently received a diagnosis of ADHD from your pediatrician or you’ve long learned of your child’s differing neurotype, here are few tips to help guide your discussion(s).
Before we begin, relax. Take a deep breath. You may be struggling with talking to and parenting your child the “right way,” but let us assure you there is no one “right” way to talk to or parent your ADHD child. You and your child have all of the necessary tools to navigate this together. We are simply here as a guide.
To support your family’s journey, here are some considerations:
Prepare yourself for the long haul. Navigating ADHD with your child is not a one-time event. Just because you have one conversation does not mean your child will fully understand how their brain works. You will likely continue to talk about ADHD with them as you learn more and as they learn more about themselves as well.
Your child’s mind is different, not less. When communicating about ADHD, ensure you are discussing it in a way that does not pathologize your child.
While ADHD is considered a disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM–5), ADHD is not an illness; it is a difference of neurotype. Consider their difference as a way to ensure your child doesn’t inadvertently experience shame during your conversations for being born with a unique brain. Their ADHD is unchangeable and unique and makes them who they are.
Your responses to their uniqueness are manageable and controllable. If you are not neurodivergent, normalize getting things wrong while actively working to understand them better. Be accountable for being better for yourself and your child. There will be times in which you have expectations of them that are rooted in your own abilities. Strengthen your flexibility muscle and be transparent about doing so! Having a good model of flexibility will help when they also need to flex their own muscle.
Prepare them for ableism. There is no need to “protect” them from this by avoiding or sugar-coating it. The world has made room for neurotypes that are considered “normal.” They will encounter times in which others make them feel less than for their differences. Affirm them and teach them to affirm themselves. Their voice is the strongest one they need. Teach them to trust it, not just by telling them, but by also showing them you trust their voice when they communicate their needs. Respond accordingly.
Validate their experiences and any challenges they experience. Allow space for your child to be vulnerable and honest about this.
Remember autonomy. ADHD means different things for different people. Allow your child to determine what being an ADHer means for them. Also, allow them to determine if it is something they want to discuss with others. If they do not want to disclose to others their ADHD, teach them it is okay to do so.
Model curiosity. When your child asks a question that you are unsure of, normalize not knowing the answer. Take it as an opportunity to research with your child and find the answer together.
Model humility. Your child is the expert on their life. Accept new methods of learning and listening from them and other ADHers.
Here are a few of our favorite resources for teaching your child about ADHD:
My 10 Favorite Things About Having ADHD